I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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