we're blogging at a bar
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
