woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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