Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize