Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
