I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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