Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it hurts more in the daytime
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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