fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
