you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
