people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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