He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
