i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
