Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you're hired as official boob wrangler
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
