Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
