Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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