I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
