Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So here I am, sexting at work.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
