I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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