You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
