When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize