also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
