my mouth tastes like poor choices
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize