Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
