your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
