I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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