Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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