I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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