He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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