Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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