i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
