the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
