i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize