so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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