so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
