Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Omg I joined a choir last night...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
