You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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