Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
