I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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