Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
