well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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