Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Congratulations! We have a period
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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