isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
