Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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