SEEEEXXX PLEASE
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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