never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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