Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
