I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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