I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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