Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
