i just made my gag reflex go away.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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