you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
