I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
