My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize