So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
