I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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