Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
