I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
