Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize