I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
