Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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