you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
