I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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