I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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