Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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