I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
