I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
