I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
