they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize